Santa is a Criminal, Here’s Why
The legend of Santa Claus can be traced back to a monk named St. Nicholas or by his Dutch nickname Sinter Klaas. The monk was known for his kindness and generosity. In modern times Santa is known for his red suit, reindeers, elves, and his jolly attitude. Every year children all around the world place cookies and milk by the Christmas tree hoping to get all every present on their wishlist. The truth is, these kids may be co-conspirators in a criminal enterprise. Good ol’ Santa Claus bends lots of rules to get the job done! Here’s the five ways that Santa is a criminal:
1. Breaking & Entering
If someone came down your chimney late at night, you’d probably call the police or use some sort of force to subdue Santa. In the US, breaking and entering is a felony and you could face some serious jail time (or get shot). Additionally, trespassing can be added to his list of felonies as Santa has intent when he is breaking and entering — all for those milk and cookies.
2. Traveling without a passport
Santa enjoys global travel without any restrictions while the rest of humanity has to deal with long security lines and checkpoints. In the US alone, the NHTS reported that, “during the 6-day Thanksgiving travel period, the number of long-distance trips (to and from a destination 50 miles or more away) increases by 54 percent, and during the Christmas/New Year’s Holiday period the number rises by 23 percent, compared to the average number for the remainder of the year.” While in the U.K according to the AA about 6.7 million journeys of 20 miles or more are expected be made on Christmas Day. That’s a lot of traveling!
Since Santa has no passport that means he doesn’t go through customs, which means he’s essentially smuggling in every present, a crime that’s punishable with 20 years in prison, a fine, or both. It’s certainly not considerate to skip on customs seeing as the U.S Customs and Border patrol processed 1,026,234 passengers and pedestrians in 2014 in a single day!
4. Invasion of privacy
How does Santa know who is on the nice or naughty list? How does that song go? “He sees you when you are sleeping, he knows when you’re awake…” Big brother has nothing on the global surveillance Kris Kringle has. Is he Facebook stalking you too?
5. OSHA and Santa’s elves
Santa gives away millions of toys each year, but does he even pay his elves? Do his elves even have the right to form a union? Does Santa give his elves a safe work environment? All these are questions that OSHA would have a field day with. Just to give you an idea on how hard Santa’s elves work, globally from 2007 to 2015, toy sales totaled $87.4 billion. In the United States alone, toy sales in 2016 was $20.36 billion. This year the elves are busy remaking past favorites with a lil tech inside of them. Remember Teddy Ruxpin? Well, he’s got a couple of tech upgrades, like Bluetooth, LCD eyes, and more! Man, Santa elves’ do need a vacation!
BONUS: His impersonators are really creepy
All those Santa impersonators in the mall are really creepy when you think about it. Why do kids have to sit on the impersonator’s lap to ask what they want for Christmas? Why aren’t all those impersonators arrested for fraud, a crime that is punishable up to 3 years in prison.
Considering Santa is the king of the naughty and nice list, where would all his crimes land him?